The habit of fear

"The habit of fear" is actually the name of a chapter in the book I am currently writing, but I wanted to expand beyond how it has effected our lives personally, because as part of my own awakening I have begun to see how deeply rooted in fear, we are as a society.  Our choices, our likes and dislikes, the way we parent and educate our children, how we relate in our relationships, and especially our medical choices, are all driven from a subconscious place of fear. 

Even those who consider themselves "healthy" in a physical sense are conditioned to make decisions out of fear.  Why do we do this?  Our upbringing, the subtle expectations of society, instincts, and ultimately our own willingness to accept this powerfully moving emotion.  If we do "this", then "that" will happen....Pavlov's Classical Conditioning at it's finest.  It's innate.  This form of learning has actually been so accurately labeled by Pavlov as "psychic conditioning".  Perfect description!

Let's get technical: It takes the repeated pairing of an unconditioned stimulus, a neutral stimulus, and an unconditioned response, to create a new conditioned response.  One exposure to a unique pairing of stimulus would only have this outcome, if the stimulus itself was very traumatizing, but the usual events are typically experienced slowly over time, with repeated exposures, creating deeply rooted subconscious responses.  A traumatic, one-time event that might have this effect would be a child who is walking along the street happily eating an ice cream cone.  A dog attacks the little girl, and the extremely traumatizing event paralyzes her mind and makes hard and fast connections between the fear she experiences and the ice cream cone, the dog and/or the peaceful walk alone.  She might fear dogs forever on a conscious level, but the subconscious response might be a new allergy to dairy and/or sugar, perhaps even to being alone and walking.  In fact, she could even develop an allergy to a flower nearby, if she was aware of it's odor at that very moment...it all depends on the connections her mind chooses to make in that split second and this will ultimately depend on the combination of her genetic breakdown and constitutional profile.  Three different people who experience this exact same thing are likely to have completely different outcomes, regardless, the trauma suffered has created a new instinctual response in that child.  This would be the less common scenario though.

So most of you know the famous Pavlov dog experiment where the pairing of meat powder and a bell encourages enzymatic salivation in the dog, then eventually the repeated exposure to this pairing creates a new response in the dog...enzymatic release and salivation just when the bell is rung.  If we apply this form of conditioning to an everyday occurrence as simple as learning to walk, we see the undertow of fear in our choices, which then become a new, conditioned response.  We take a step and fall which combines a few unconditioned stimulus and responses, the result is a healthy bout of fear  (and probably adrenaline) which naturally drives our need to do what it takes to remain standing next time.  At minimum, it invokes a change in what we plan to do next time, subconsciously.  Fear is a natural instinct, it's protective and it motivates our trajectory in many situations.  But when did it overtake our executive functioning to this point where we are surpassing good decisions and using fear to make poor decisions?  How did we go from using instincts to protect us, to this place of chronic fear-riddled inappropriate "instincts"?  As an innate instinct, this was something that was intended to protect or save us from danger (the green moldy berry tastes yucky, aka - it's toxic, don't eat it), yet now it is going too far and actually causing danger in certain situations.

Is there a natural law named after this phenomenon?  Where else is it applied?  Here is a thought process we see often, "If I don't vaccinate my child (all the while ignoring the obviously dangerous and harmful ingredients), s/he may contract the dreaded disease that the vaccine is intended to prevent and s/he will die".  We are making connections based on a combination of false information and blind trust, creating fear-connections that drive our choices, which are then harming our children. The initial intention was good, but somewhere along the way, it all got twisted up and demented.  Now we are accepting certain childhood illnesses as "normal", because they are overly common.  Since when did common = normal?  We've allowed conditioning to change our instinctual perception.  This is an evolution process that is occurring without our conscious awareness.  It is destructive to our population.  This wasn't prominent in the very first generation of vaccinated people, or second, or even third, although the incidents of dis-ease were growing in number over the years and the ultimate result are the canaries in the coalmine...it is epigenetically shifting the population, and the result is that our children are dis-ease stricken earlier and earlier with illnesses that were once only targeting the elderly.  In fact, autism has been closely compared to illnesses of the elderly like Alzheimers.  Don't let the different labels fool you, all you have to do is look up the symptoms.  Then, if you look up the symptoms of toxicity from heavy metals, the similarities run deep in all three.  The common denominator?  An overburden of toxins.  How did we let this happen, if we are following our intuition?  Well, we aren't following our intuition.  You know that first pang of fear you feel when you place your innocent child on the doctor's table and hold him or her down so they can inject them with a slurry of dangerous ingredients (for the sake of the greater good), you instantly brush off that fear as sadness for the pin-prick pain your child will feel, because we are being consciously conditioned to believe that our fear is unwarranted, and that we must do this for our child's safety...Your fear is VERY warranted and should you actually respond appropriately to that fear, you might save your child, or your child's child from some form of learning disorder, allergies, eczema, cancer and/or spectrum disorder. 

So clearly, vaccination is just one example of the larger picture, one that is very near and dear to my heart, but you can replace this with so many scenarios these days.  

There are a few problems with this new conditioning which we are falling prey to.

The obvious evolutionary shift can be stopped, all it takes is awareness of the mistaken process combined with a willingness to make change in our daily routines.  Blindly accepting anyone else's truth as your own has dire consequences, as you can see.

And what about the vibratory place fear ties us into? If you have been following my blog, I have spoken in other entries about the vibrational frequency of emotions.  Fear is very low, and saturating yourself in low frequencies on a regular basis will impact your core vibration, shifting it from healthy, higher vibrations, to low and unhealthy vibrations.  Our bodies are designed to handle the occasional imbalance, but when the lower vibrations become more prominent in our lives (from emotions, toxins, environmental onslaughts, poor quality foods, and so forth) our bodies begin to lose the battle.  How long can you swim upstream without tiring and giving up?  How long can you continue to fill the bucket before it overflows on you?  The law of attraction will respond to this chronic frequency and you will find yourself attracting lower vibration events that result in disharmony in your life.  Since our emotional and spiritual selves drive our physical selves, it is already evident where this evolution has taken us.  When you have some time, check out the research on happier people resulting in healthier lives.  Happy = very high vibration.  Are we truly happy when we are stuffing our instincts and going against our "knowing" at a soul level?  You can't trick your spirit into happiness, not for long anyway. 

How do we then reverse this dangerous spiraling evolution?  The challenge is in having to re-condition ourselves, having to unlearn what we have learned and doing so on a conscious level.  We must go against the grain by challenging our interpretation of our inherent consciousness.  This will bring us back to a true place of "knowing" from somewhere so much deeper.  We must learn how to trust our instincts better, deciphering what is dangerous from what is not.  Although we often interpret danger as merely physical, "...don't touch that stove, it's hot!", it is much much more.  It goes deep and there is a place in each of us where we DO know the answers to what is dangerous.  How do we tap into this tightly concealed space?  We must first start listening to our soul at an individual level, and stop comparing ourselves to others around us.  We are not our neighbor, our kid's friend's parents, our sisters and cousins.  You are only you, with your own quirks, needs and desires, which can easily be misrepresented by comparing to all of the above.  It may sound like voodoo to suggest listening to your soul, but simply trusting your gut is listening to your all-knowing soul.  Don't stuff your intuition by suggesting someone else's paper degree is smarter than your soul or that it knows you better than you do.  Only you know what works for you.  When you follow the guidance of your gut, you cannot fail.  But first you must learn to decipher what is truly yours and what is conditioned.  You can achieve this by pausing in that space between the event and your reaction.  Use that time to feel rather than think.  Take more time, if you need it.  Regular meditation is an incredible way to make use of the "pause".  Meditation connects you to your soul unlike anything else you can do, but again, listen to yourself, because "meditation" is merely a word that represents "a discourse intended to express its author's reflections or to guide others in contemplation", and if for you, that means taking a walk in the forest for clarity, then do that.  Someone else might find clarity in the pause of life when they sit in a long salt bath, another might sense their peace when they do yoga, dance, swim, ride a bike or write in a journal while sipping an herbal tea.  We are all unique in what we need, as well as how we find our answers.  There is a collective consciousness in this evolution.  The power of thought by the masses contributes to collective consciousness and will fundamentally effect the outcome, globally.  Look inside, listen to you, and let's rock this evolution!!

Lessons Abound!

Our children come into this world with many lessons for us.  When we are open and willing to receive what they have to offer us, we are reminded of our own soul purpose.

Inspired by the Thomas Jefferson Education model we use for home schooling, I wrote a mission for our family to live by.  It keeps us aligned in our purpose as a family unit.  The main theme evolves around thoughtfulness and compassion for ourselves and the world around us, and how interesting when you consider what traits are necessary for understanding and caring for a child with autism.  Compassion and thoughtfulness! When our children go off into the world they must learn to grapple with the realities of perspective.  Whether it be in school, extra curricular activities or even just play dates, they are faced with situations that test their compassion, as well as the compassion of others.  How ironic that this is exactly what the rest of the world needs to practice when they are exposed to those who are on the spectrum.  Sounds like a life lesson, doesn't it?  I see a world lesson on the horizon.  1:68 and rising!

Let's look at misbehavior, keeping in mind that "misbehavior" is a matter of perspective.  The first thing most parents will tell you about misbehavior is to rule out things like hunger, tired and discomfort before attempting to teach a lesson to the child.  This is because behavior rooted in pain demands compassion.  Why stop there though?  Pain isn't purely physical, children feel emotional and mental pain like the rest of us.  They just don't express it well yet.  Instead of the clarity of well expressed words, they act out.  So when we rule out the physical pain sources, we should also consider why the misbehavior remains, which should tell us that some form of pain still exists.  Dig deeper, are the child's feelings hurt, have they picked up on someone's mood or energy around them, are they sensing danger?  Regardless of right or wrong, they are entitled to their feelings which are based on their own very real perception of the situation.

When we can understand that all misbehavior is an expression of pain, we can send loving energy to the person rather than reflecting their negative behavior.  This, in itself, would halt the vicious cycle that often revolves around anger, even on larger scales.

I teach this to my children when they encounter a child who they perceive as being "mean" to them.  Perception is 99.9% of your reality.  Did you realize you can control your perception, thereby controlling your reality?  I want my children to always believe in their own good intent, as well as that of others.  A misunderstanding between children isn't always cut and dry, we shouldn't take the experience for face value and assume that we know what is happening.  Instead, we should remind ourselves that in every misunderstanding, each person has the potential to be a victim of a misguided perspective.  We learn how to perceive the world around us very early in our lives.  Many of these connections are made and stored in our subconscious before the age of 7!  Then we begin to apply learned behaviors to these subconscious interpretations, which can be molded to change based on our experiences as we grow and develop.  A person who chooses meditation or prayer, in the face of a challenge, is choosing to change their subconscious in a way that will open the pages of the world before them.  On the contrary, a person who chooses self-deprivation or blame in the face of that same challenge has closed the book, and in turn, sealed their fate with feelings like anger and resentment.  The emotions have the potential to cause dis-ease short and long term.

There is no reason to assume that only children react to emotions with misbehavior, adults are just as capable of missing the bigger picture.  In fact, when you consider "misbehavior" like addiction and abuse, aren't they just an extension of this very situation?  If they felt understood, if they are treated with compassion, and were from the very start, isn't it possible that these manifestations of anger and resentment might have never taken hold?  Envision an abused dog.  A dog who is cornered and treated poorly will lash out with anger and vehemence, and by default this once innocent puppy will resort to a habit of violence, in retaliation.  This same dog can then be loved and treated with compassion, turning around the behavior once they develop trust again.

This is precisely why I give my children a voice.  I don't always know what is best for them, in fact, it's likely that they comprehend a heck of a lot more than we give them credit for, they just haven't learned to manage those feelings with controlled expression yet.  If we don't allow them to express themselves, we are suppressing their inner guidance.  Suppression = pain and dis-ease.  When we allow our children to make mistakes and explore their voices, we give them the power of confidence in their decision making.  When we encourage them to say what they feel, they learn the value of acknowledging their emotions.  It won't be perfectly packaged, but we are there to help guide them through using their words effectively.

I truly believe that each family member holds a special role in their family unit.  Life wouldn't be the same without their intricately placed existence.  We must be open to what their individuality has to offer, if we want them to embrace everything they are capable of.

We have been told by multiple healers that our 6 year old son is an empathic intuitive, even Shaman-like.  We have experienced telepathy with him, as well as an incredible all-knowing ability he only exhibits when the need arises.  My husband experienced one of his most impressive lessons when our son channeled his great grandfather (my husband's grandfather) who passed many years before our son's birth.  The experience left little to the imagination, because our son actually used names he didn't know, he was very matter of fact about his experience and who he was communicating with.  It was later confirmed that the timing of this experience was amazingly coordinated with the passing of my husband's Uncle who left his physical body with a smile on his face!  When speaking with everyone involved, there is no denying that my husband's grandfather came through our son to reassure the family that he was there to help his son transition into his journey beyond life on this earth.  My husband immediately developed a new appreciation for life beyond this dimension. 

Among the lessons my children have taught me, I have learned about the value of maintaining a healthy mind, body and spirit (and exactly how to go about doing that, they were my motivation), I have learned to stand tall and have a voice for the greater good, I have learned that my own physical, emotional and spiritual health plays a role in our family well-being, I have learned how to communicate more effectively and love more deeply, and I have become a better person entirely because of the mere existence of my little guys.  I am still learning and my greatest teachers are my children.  Never under estimate the power of your lessons disguised by your children.

Mirror mirror on the wall....

Why must we experience pain?  No pain, no gain, right?!  Well, in some ways, this is actually true!  How would we appreciate the absence of pain, if we haven’t been in the trenches with it at one point or another? 

We don’t learn to walk successfully until we learn how not to fall.

The bigger picture is that there is a lesson engrained in every experience, ESPECIALLY pain; physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. 

The first thing a parent wants to do for their child, when they are hurting, is take away their pain.  They fall down, let’s clean up that boo-boo and put a bandaid on it.  If they are going to get hurt climbing a tree, preventing them from climbing the tree will prevent their pain, so don’t let them do it, right?  This couldn’t be further from the truth!!  We can’t and shouldn’t protect our kids from all pain.  We learn from it.  We are causing more harm then good.  We are taking away their ability to learn to gauge from experience.

What is pain anyway?  It’s a red flag.  It’s a signal from our body to do something different.  And we must learn to read these signs....I hope your gauge is functioning properly?

Let’s go deeper.  Instead of thinking about how we can remove or eliminate our pain, be it physical or emotional, what if we begin to think about why it is there in the first place?  Here is a simplistic view.  Why did I get this darn cold?  The first thought in your mind is that you are an innocent victim of someone else who was sick, right?  But did every single person who came into contact with that sick person express with a cold too?  No, they didn’t, but why?  The conditions that need to exist for an illness to take hold were not present in every single person who encountered the same sick individual.  Now let’s expand our view and think about the bigger picture....did you NEED rest?  Was your body setting you up for getting that rest?  Did you have something emotional already going on, were you deprived of sleep, do you need a break from constant long hours at work?  Are you drained from the housework that piles up faster than you can make a dent in it?  Your body knows what it needs and if you deprive yourself of fulfilling it’s needs, by ignoring the simple signs, guess what?  Yup, you are going to catch the proverbial cold.  Your emotional body pushed the symptoms to the surface as a red flag.  The most important question, did you listen?  Or did you just top it off with an OTC medicine that eliminated symptoms so you could keep going....and going?  It might be a cold this time, but if you don’t stop to listen to what your body is trying to tell you, you will be lucky if it’s a cold next time, or the time after that.

And even deeper...What about emotional lessons?  What do they look like?

Do you feel like some emotional trends exist in your life?  Something that repeats itself, over and over again?  Do you notice there are a LOT of question marks in this blog?  lol  I am really asking you to think, because there is truly only one person who knows the answers to these questions, YOU!  So back to the emotional trends.  If you feel like your life is cluttered with repeat stories over the years, it might be time to pull out the mirror and take a good look and what your lesson is.  I’m not suggesting you have done anything wrong or are even at fault, but I do think we need to pause and consider where we might have missed the memo along the way.  Something needs to change and what better place to start with change, then with yourself?  The rest will follow.  The good news is that if you address the emotional lessons as they occur, you will actually be preventing future physical ailments!  Physical expressions in health are the result of emotional trauma unaddressed. 

I have learned some very big lessons in the past several months as I have slowly unfolded my awakening wings.  It took a great big mirror and a lot of humble pie.  It also forced me to step way out of my comfort zone.  Could I have blamed someone else for all the things that “happened” to me?  Sure I could have, but the truth is that I was the only person who could change my tune.  I could go on feeling sorry for what “happened” to me or I could step up to the plate and take a swing.  And that is exactly what I am doing!!  I am swinging, and hitting home runs! 

We attract “like” frequencies, whether it be reflected in the people we surround ourselves with or our health.  We are big balls of vibrating matter, and that matter attracts what is similar to itself.  So if you are regularly thinking, “I can’t stop this awful habit of.....” (fill in the blank, whatever it is) you are resonating at THAT frequency.  If it’s an emotion like guilt, well according to the professionals, you are resonating at a very low vibration of about 30.  And there is only one emotion lower than guilt, shame is a mere 20 on this scale.  Just to give you a little comparison, joy is 540!!  Think about the difference you feel when you are about to do something that brings you joy...you feel euphoric, don’t you?  That is your vibration at that time too!  I bet you will enjoy every bit of those moments filled with joy.  Just take a moment to think about something that gives you immense joy, how do you feel? You are now vibrating at 540.  How did you get that joy, did it jump into your cart at the grocery store?  No, you CHOSE it!  You chose to feel joy about something you love to do.  Love vibrates at 500.  Another great emotion to align yourself with.  Think about that feeling you have for your children or if you don’t have children, when you first fell in love with your partner.  Great, isn’t it?  It gives you those warm and fuzzies.  And when you generate these frequencies that are higher on the scale, you will attract like-frequencies. 

Sounds a lot like homeopathy, doesn’t it?  This is exactly why homeopathy works!!  If you can’t maintain a higher vibration regularly on your own, using the RIGHT remedies will encourage you to raise your vibrations which will ultimately allow you to begin attracting higher vibration experiences/health.  Surround yourself with hope, love, joy, high vibration foods and activities and your life will change. 

Ok, so how did we get so far away from pain?  And how does pain have anything to do with high vibrations, if we are meant to learn from it?  Maybe this is when we look in the mirror and wonder....what is my frequency?  Turn that frown upside down!!  = D

Conscious parenting

When does it begin?  When do we start developing our sub- and un-conscious mind?  Many would guess this begins at birth, however, Dr. Bruce H. Lipton Ph.D a leading cellular biologist, would disagree and has gone on to prove that our cells hold memory.  If our cells hold memory which is influenced by not only our thoughts and experiences but the thoughts and experiences of those around us, it would be safe to say that this begins at conception.  After all, we are a ball of cells!

Think back to conception.  Not yours, silly, your child's.  Although, if you think about your own conception, much of who you are was developed then.  Back to the conception of your child(ren).  Where you excited or where you scared, did you receive any bad news during your pregnancy, was there financial stress, any stress?  We all have some stress and having a baby brings about SO many anticipated changes, I would guess that many of us have stressed over bringing a new life into the world.  I know I did!!  I wish I knew then, what I know now.  I would have started meditating much earlier. 

From Dr. Lipton's book "The Biology of Belief"

To quote Dr. Thomas Verny, a pioneer in the field of prenatal and perinatal psychiatry: "Findings in the peer-reviewed literature over the course of decades establish, beyond any doubt, that parents have overwhelming influence on the mental and physical attributes of the children they raise." (Verny and Kelly 1981)  And that influence starts, says Verny, not after children are born, but BEFORE children are born. 

Another pioneer in pre- and perinatal psychology, David Chamberlain writes in his book The Mind of Your Newborn Baby: "The truth is, much of what we have traditionally believed about babies is false.  They are not simple beings but complex and ageless-small creatures with unexpectedly large thoughts." (Chamberlain 1998)  These complex, small creatures have a pre-birth life in the womb that profoundly influences their long-term health and behavior.  "The quality of life in the womb, our temporary home before we were born, programs our susceptibility to coronary artery disease, stroke, diabetes, obesity and a multitude of other conditions in later life," writes Dr. Peter W. Nathanielsz in Life in the Womb: The Origin of Health and Disease.  (Nathanielssz 1999)  

The responsiveness of individuals to the environmental conditions perceived by their mothers before birth allows them to optimize their genetic and phsiologic development as they adapt to the environmental forecast.  The same life-enhancing epigenetic plasticity of human development can go awry and lead to an array of chronic diseases in older age if an individual experences adverse nutritional and environmental circumstances during fetal and neonatal periods of development.  (Bateson, et al, 2004)

The same epigenetic influences also continue after the child is born.  In particular, fascinating new research is emphasizing the importance of good parenting in the development of the brain.  "For the growing brain of a young child, the social world supplies the most important experiences influencing the expression of genes, which determines how neurons connect to one another in creating the neuronal pathways which give rise to mental activity," writes Dr. Daniel J. Siegel in The Developing Mind (Siegel 199) In other words, infants need a nurturing environment to activate the genes that develop healthy brains.  Parents, the latest science reveals, continue to act as genetic engineers even after the birth of their children.

Well crap!  I wish I read this before conception.  So what now?

Dr. Lipton tells us of new scientific discoveries about the biochemical effects of the brain's functioning showing that all the cells of our body are affected by our thoughts.  He shows us how genes and DNA do not control our biology, instead, DNA is controlled by signals from outside the cell, including energetic messages from our positive and negative thoughts.

I'm not one to dwell on the past, so it's great news to learn that we can still manage change.  I am a glass half-full kind of gal.  Moving on...

What steps can we take to change the course of old thought patterns?

The Healing Code - Dr. Lipton is a fan of The Healing Code and is quoted throughout Dr. Lloyd's book.   You will learn how to apply the Universal Healing Code which is capable of re-programing damaging thought patterns.  It only takes minutes each day and can have a profound impact on a multitude of ailments.

Meditation - There is nothing easier than changing a grumpy mood with a few minutes of meditation! Other than maybe winning the lottery. (wink)  Just fifteen minutes a day can change your life.  I find meditation to be the single most effective tool in our energy shifting toolbox at home.

Meditation taps into four different brainwaves: Beta, Alpha, Theta, and lastly Delta. These groups are each associated with specific states of your mind.

Beta Wave: Your current brain wave stage, where your conscious mind is awake and alert.  
Alpha Wave: The beginning stages of meditation. Your brain is relaxed at this state, this is where all fears vanish and creativity flourishes.  
Theta Wave: At this stage you are in a dream like state of mind where inspiration can occur. It’s also known to give you a sensation of “floating.”  
Delta Wave: The Delta brain wave is the slowest activity of all waves. Achieved by the most experienced meditators. They experience a dreamless sleep.

A simple article in The Huffington Post says it well

Studies show that meditation is associated with improvement in a variety of psychological areas, including stress, anxiety, addiction, depression, eating disorders and cognitive function, among others. There's also research to suggest that meditation can reduce blood pressure, pain response, stress hormone levels and even cellular health. But what does it actually do to the body?
For one thing, it changes our brain. The cells and neurons in the brain are constantly making new connections and disrupting old ones based on response to stimuli, a quality that researchers call experience-based neuroplasticity. This affects the neural circuits of the brain, which in turn affects how we respond to situations. It also affects the actual structure of our brains -- thickening some areas and making others less dense. 

"Think of the end of a neuron as a hand, with thousands of 'fingers,'" said Dr. Sara Lazar, a neuroscientist at Massachusetts General Hospital who studies mindfulness meditation. "The number of fingers relates to the number of interconnections between neurons and that number can change -- one reason it can change is due to stress."

If meditation is new to you, or it just doesn't come as second nature, there are many methods of practice you can try.  There are guided meditation CDs which really help you tune out the chatter, there are classes where you can learn in person or you can just continue to practice adding a little time to each meditation session you experience. The internet can be your best friend on these topics!

To teach young children about mindful breathing techniques and meditation, I love the MindUP! curriculum which even teaches them where in the brain we are effecting by practicing mindful breathing.

Frequency/vibrational healing - It comes in all shapes and sizes from homeopathic medicine to psychic readings.  There is likely to be at least one modality that will work for you.  Each one of these methods can require it's own library, so to save on time I will just provide you with a list of the more common methods worth looking into.  If you find that you resonate with any one of these, take that cue as a sign to educate yourself about it, or better yet, make an appointment with a practitioner!

Homeopathy
Reiki
Qigong
Chakra balancing
EFT
Body Talk
Quantum Touch
Polarity Therapy
Radionics
Biofeedback
Pranic Healing
Acupressure
Acupuncture

When all else fails, get moving - Yoga, Qigong, cardio, weights, a bike ride, swimming, whatever floats your boat, just get moving.  It will give you a serotonin boost while taking your mind off of everything else. 

Get inspired!!  There is no time like the present to start a new pattern and since children learn best from modelling, what better way to teach your kids how to manage their emotions than to do it WITH them?!  Change starts with YOU!