Lessons Abound!

Our children come into this world with many lessons for us.  When we are open and willing to receive what they have to offer us, we are reminded of our own soul purpose.

Inspired by the Thomas Jefferson Education model we use for home schooling, I wrote a mission for our family to live by.  It keeps us aligned in our purpose as a family unit.  The main theme evolves around thoughtfulness and compassion for ourselves and the world around us, and how interesting when you consider what traits are necessary for understanding and caring for a child with autism.  Compassion and thoughtfulness! When our children go off into the world they must learn to grapple with the realities of perspective.  Whether it be in school, extra curricular activities or even just play dates, they are faced with situations that test their compassion, as well as the compassion of others.  How ironic that this is exactly what the rest of the world needs to practice when they are exposed to those who are on the spectrum.  Sounds like a life lesson, doesn't it?  I see a world lesson on the horizon.  1:68 and rising!

Let's look at misbehavior, keeping in mind that "misbehavior" is a matter of perspective.  The first thing most parents will tell you about misbehavior is to rule out things like hunger, tired and discomfort before attempting to teach a lesson to the child.  This is because behavior rooted in pain demands compassion.  Why stop there though?  Pain isn't purely physical, children feel emotional and mental pain like the rest of us.  They just don't express it well yet.  Instead of the clarity of well expressed words, they act out.  So when we rule out the physical pain sources, we should also consider why the misbehavior remains, which should tell us that some form of pain still exists.  Dig deeper, are the child's feelings hurt, have they picked up on someone's mood or energy around them, are they sensing danger?  Regardless of right or wrong, they are entitled to their feelings which are based on their own very real perception of the situation.

When we can understand that all misbehavior is an expression of pain, we can send loving energy to the person rather than reflecting their negative behavior.  This, in itself, would halt the vicious cycle that often revolves around anger, even on larger scales.

I teach this to my children when they encounter a child who they perceive as being "mean" to them.  Perception is 99.9% of your reality.  Did you realize you can control your perception, thereby controlling your reality?  I want my children to always believe in their own good intent, as well as that of others.  A misunderstanding between children isn't always cut and dry, we shouldn't take the experience for face value and assume that we know what is happening.  Instead, we should remind ourselves that in every misunderstanding, each person has the potential to be a victim of a misguided perspective.  We learn how to perceive the world around us very early in our lives.  Many of these connections are made and stored in our subconscious before the age of 7!  Then we begin to apply learned behaviors to these subconscious interpretations, which can be molded to change based on our experiences as we grow and develop.  A person who chooses meditation or prayer, in the face of a challenge, is choosing to change their subconscious in a way that will open the pages of the world before them.  On the contrary, a person who chooses self-deprivation or blame in the face of that same challenge has closed the book, and in turn, sealed their fate with feelings like anger and resentment.  The emotions have the potential to cause dis-ease short and long term.

There is no reason to assume that only children react to emotions with misbehavior, adults are just as capable of missing the bigger picture.  In fact, when you consider "misbehavior" like addiction and abuse, aren't they just an extension of this very situation?  If they felt understood, if they are treated with compassion, and were from the very start, isn't it possible that these manifestations of anger and resentment might have never taken hold?  Envision an abused dog.  A dog who is cornered and treated poorly will lash out with anger and vehemence, and by default this once innocent puppy will resort to a habit of violence, in retaliation.  This same dog can then be loved and treated with compassion, turning around the behavior once they develop trust again.

This is precisely why I give my children a voice.  I don't always know what is best for them, in fact, it's likely that they comprehend a heck of a lot more than we give them credit for, they just haven't learned to manage those feelings with controlled expression yet.  If we don't allow them to express themselves, we are suppressing their inner guidance.  Suppression = pain and dis-ease.  When we allow our children to make mistakes and explore their voices, we give them the power of confidence in their decision making.  When we encourage them to say what they feel, they learn the value of acknowledging their emotions.  It won't be perfectly packaged, but we are there to help guide them through using their words effectively.

I truly believe that each family member holds a special role in their family unit.  Life wouldn't be the same without their intricately placed existence.  We must be open to what their individuality has to offer, if we want them to embrace everything they are capable of.

We have been told by multiple healers that our 6 year old son is an empathic intuitive, even Shaman-like.  We have experienced telepathy with him, as well as an incredible all-knowing ability he only exhibits when the need arises.  My husband experienced one of his most impressive lessons when our son channeled his great grandfather (my husband's grandfather) who passed many years before our son's birth.  The experience left little to the imagination, because our son actually used names he didn't know, he was very matter of fact about his experience and who he was communicating with.  It was later confirmed that the timing of this experience was amazingly coordinated with the passing of my husband's Uncle who left his physical body with a smile on his face!  When speaking with everyone involved, there is no denying that my husband's grandfather came through our son to reassure the family that he was there to help his son transition into his journey beyond life on this earth.  My husband immediately developed a new appreciation for life beyond this dimension. 

Among the lessons my children have taught me, I have learned about the value of maintaining a healthy mind, body and spirit (and exactly how to go about doing that, they were my motivation), I have learned to stand tall and have a voice for the greater good, I have learned that my own physical, emotional and spiritual health plays a role in our family well-being, I have learned how to communicate more effectively and love more deeply, and I have become a better person entirely because of the mere existence of my little guys.  I am still learning and my greatest teachers are my children.  Never under estimate the power of your lessons disguised by your children.

Silence!

In this hectic day and age, the norm is for kids to be shuttled all over from this club to that practice, a class here and a class there, only to be ushered back home when it is time to do their homework and go to sleep.  They barely have time to gulp down a meal and spend time with their family members between homework and extracurricular activities.  As parents, we are lead to believe that a happy and well-rounded child is a busy child.  Did you ever stop to wonder why?

We are over-scheduling our lives on a regular basis, with the assumption that more is better.  Do you feel better after a hectic, rushed day?  When we are hurried, our patience is reduced and our communication suffers which, means so do connections to the most important people in our lives.  When we are over-scheduled, our relationships and creativity suffer.

If our children aren't at home with us, who is raising them?  Food for thought.
 
A child who spends a significant amount of time at home with his or her parents and siblings is developing a keen sense of belonging, confidence and security, but this is only the tip of the iceberg.   The more time a child spends with his or her family, the more the child is learning from his or her greatest teacher(s).  Character development is above all, the most important experience of our lives. There are no lessons more important.  With great character, comes great decisions.  When this begins in early childhood and is encouraged to develop through adolescence, we are ensuring our children success in this high demand world.  And what do we truly want for our children?  Happiness.  If they are confident and secure, isn't this where happiness starts?

Our foundational spirituality is cultivated at home.  When parents tap into their intuition and they showcase the value of inner guidance along side their children, they are setting them up for success.  Children learn from what they witness in their day to day lives.  Who is their role model?  Is it the child's parent(s) or is it Johnny on the baseball team and Timmy in karate and Joey in soccer?  And who are their role models, do you even know?  The sheer time a child spends with an individual is going to have a significant impact on their long-term values and morals.  The imprint of their childhood remains with them forever.  The valuable connections being made at this precious age are vital to his belief system, his instincts - his subconscious response to circumstances later in life.

What are we doing to show our children how to live respectable lives?  Is it enough to share hasty dinners with them five days a week?  What values do we represent when we suggest that our career is more important than our family life?  Actions speak louder than words.

So why do we do it, why do we fall prey to this National norm?  We are lead to believe that if we don't start our children in the best schools by getting on a waiting list before the age of three and if they don't know how to play every sport in grade school, that they will be failures.  They won't compare to the Jones'.  

Where should we find the answers to our big questions then?

In the silence.

The one thing a hectic life doesn't offer is silence.  A time for reflection.  A time for creativity.  For children, creativity is born from boredom.  A child can spend his youth jumping from one activity to another and may even be highly successful in one for many years, but without silence and reflection, he isn't going to find the space to sit with his thoughts and answer questions like, "What do I want to do with my life?" and "Where do I see my life going?".  How will they gain the introspection to trust their inner voice?

What's in the silence you ask (besides long awaited peace and quiet)?  If you haven't sat in the silence with your soul at the helm, you should start now!  You are missing out on an indispensable adviser...your own higher self.


In the stillness of silence, we open our heart and mind to receiving.  In the stillness, we find our
resolve.  In the stillness, we are exposed to the truth.  The downloads we receive in this stillness rival the fanciest computers any day.  The information is telling, sometimes bright and cheery, sometimes dreary and challenging, regardless, the information we receive in the stillness guides us in the direction of our soul purpose on this planet.  It enables growth and personal development.  If we choose not to listen, we may silence the very voices we should be depending on for our life lessons.

In the end, it's all about balance.  We can't all be home with our children EVERY day, but we can make every minute count.  Instead of filling your child's empty hours with every sport and activity known to man kind, think about how quickly he or she will be grown up and on their own.  These are precious years, make them the best they can be.  Make memories, have fun, laugh, and enjoy the silence together!

Conscious parenting

When does it begin?  When do we start developing our sub- and un-conscious mind?  Many would guess this begins at birth, however, Dr. Bruce H. Lipton Ph.D a leading cellular biologist, would disagree and has gone on to prove that our cells hold memory.  If our cells hold memory which is influenced by not only our thoughts and experiences but the thoughts and experiences of those around us, it would be safe to say that this begins at conception.  After all, we are a ball of cells!

Think back to conception.  Not yours, silly, your child's.  Although, if you think about your own conception, much of who you are was developed then.  Back to the conception of your child(ren).  Where you excited or where you scared, did you receive any bad news during your pregnancy, was there financial stress, any stress?  We all have some stress and having a baby brings about SO many anticipated changes, I would guess that many of us have stressed over bringing a new life into the world.  I know I did!!  I wish I knew then, what I know now.  I would have started meditating much earlier. 

From Dr. Lipton's book "The Biology of Belief"

To quote Dr. Thomas Verny, a pioneer in the field of prenatal and perinatal psychiatry: "Findings in the peer-reviewed literature over the course of decades establish, beyond any doubt, that parents have overwhelming influence on the mental and physical attributes of the children they raise." (Verny and Kelly 1981)  And that influence starts, says Verny, not after children are born, but BEFORE children are born. 

Another pioneer in pre- and perinatal psychology, David Chamberlain writes in his book The Mind of Your Newborn Baby: "The truth is, much of what we have traditionally believed about babies is false.  They are not simple beings but complex and ageless-small creatures with unexpectedly large thoughts." (Chamberlain 1998)  These complex, small creatures have a pre-birth life in the womb that profoundly influences their long-term health and behavior.  "The quality of life in the womb, our temporary home before we were born, programs our susceptibility to coronary artery disease, stroke, diabetes, obesity and a multitude of other conditions in later life," writes Dr. Peter W. Nathanielsz in Life in the Womb: The Origin of Health and Disease.  (Nathanielssz 1999)  

The responsiveness of individuals to the environmental conditions perceived by their mothers before birth allows them to optimize their genetic and phsiologic development as they adapt to the environmental forecast.  The same life-enhancing epigenetic plasticity of human development can go awry and lead to an array of chronic diseases in older age if an individual experences adverse nutritional and environmental circumstances during fetal and neonatal periods of development.  (Bateson, et al, 2004)

The same epigenetic influences also continue after the child is born.  In particular, fascinating new research is emphasizing the importance of good parenting in the development of the brain.  "For the growing brain of a young child, the social world supplies the most important experiences influencing the expression of genes, which determines how neurons connect to one another in creating the neuronal pathways which give rise to mental activity," writes Dr. Daniel J. Siegel in The Developing Mind (Siegel 199) In other words, infants need a nurturing environment to activate the genes that develop healthy brains.  Parents, the latest science reveals, continue to act as genetic engineers even after the birth of their children.

Well crap!  I wish I read this before conception.  So what now?

Dr. Lipton tells us of new scientific discoveries about the biochemical effects of the brain's functioning showing that all the cells of our body are affected by our thoughts.  He shows us how genes and DNA do not control our biology, instead, DNA is controlled by signals from outside the cell, including energetic messages from our positive and negative thoughts.

I'm not one to dwell on the past, so it's great news to learn that we can still manage change.  I am a glass half-full kind of gal.  Moving on...

What steps can we take to change the course of old thought patterns?

The Healing Code - Dr. Lipton is a fan of The Healing Code and is quoted throughout Dr. Lloyd's book.   You will learn how to apply the Universal Healing Code which is capable of re-programing damaging thought patterns.  It only takes minutes each day and can have a profound impact on a multitude of ailments.

Meditation - There is nothing easier than changing a grumpy mood with a few minutes of meditation! Other than maybe winning the lottery. (wink)  Just fifteen minutes a day can change your life.  I find meditation to be the single most effective tool in our energy shifting toolbox at home.

Meditation taps into four different brainwaves: Beta, Alpha, Theta, and lastly Delta. These groups are each associated with specific states of your mind.

Beta Wave: Your current brain wave stage, where your conscious mind is awake and alert.  
Alpha Wave: The beginning stages of meditation. Your brain is relaxed at this state, this is where all fears vanish and creativity flourishes.  
Theta Wave: At this stage you are in a dream like state of mind where inspiration can occur. It’s also known to give you a sensation of “floating.”  
Delta Wave: The Delta brain wave is the slowest activity of all waves. Achieved by the most experienced meditators. They experience a dreamless sleep.

A simple article in The Huffington Post says it well

Studies show that meditation is associated with improvement in a variety of psychological areas, including stress, anxiety, addiction, depression, eating disorders and cognitive function, among others. There's also research to suggest that meditation can reduce blood pressure, pain response, stress hormone levels and even cellular health. But what does it actually do to the body?
For one thing, it changes our brain. The cells and neurons in the brain are constantly making new connections and disrupting old ones based on response to stimuli, a quality that researchers call experience-based neuroplasticity. This affects the neural circuits of the brain, which in turn affects how we respond to situations. It also affects the actual structure of our brains -- thickening some areas and making others less dense. 

"Think of the end of a neuron as a hand, with thousands of 'fingers,'" said Dr. Sara Lazar, a neuroscientist at Massachusetts General Hospital who studies mindfulness meditation. "The number of fingers relates to the number of interconnections between neurons and that number can change -- one reason it can change is due to stress."

If meditation is new to you, or it just doesn't come as second nature, there are many methods of practice you can try.  There are guided meditation CDs which really help you tune out the chatter, there are classes where you can learn in person or you can just continue to practice adding a little time to each meditation session you experience. The internet can be your best friend on these topics!

To teach young children about mindful breathing techniques and meditation, I love the MindUP! curriculum which even teaches them where in the brain we are effecting by practicing mindful breathing.

Frequency/vibrational healing - It comes in all shapes and sizes from homeopathic medicine to psychic readings.  There is likely to be at least one modality that will work for you.  Each one of these methods can require it's own library, so to save on time I will just provide you with a list of the more common methods worth looking into.  If you find that you resonate with any one of these, take that cue as a sign to educate yourself about it, or better yet, make an appointment with a practitioner!

Homeopathy
Reiki
Qigong
Chakra balancing
EFT
Body Talk
Quantum Touch
Polarity Therapy
Radionics
Biofeedback
Pranic Healing
Acupressure
Acupuncture

When all else fails, get moving - Yoga, Qigong, cardio, weights, a bike ride, swimming, whatever floats your boat, just get moving.  It will give you a serotonin boost while taking your mind off of everything else. 

Get inspired!!  There is no time like the present to start a new pattern and since children learn best from modelling, what better way to teach your kids how to manage their emotions than to do it WITH them?!  Change starts with YOU!